Dear iPhone 5,
I know we haven’t been together long. Though it seems like years to me, only a few months have passed since I first opened your smooth, white, apple-crested box. You were an angel sent from Heaven…4G Heaven.
My last relationship…well, let’s just say he was a bit outdated. We were together for years until I eventually realized I needed to move on to bigger and better things. That old slider phone and I never did much together. All he ever wanted was text.
But you and I, we can do so much more. You walk me to class, and I listen to you whisper sweet songs in my ear. When I get lost (which, let’s admit, is quite often), all I have to do is seek your guidance and you lead me in the right direction. I have a question? You answer. We understand each other, you and I. I once typed “gibri” and you knew I meant “go to.” How did you figure that out? It must be fate.
I know we had a few rough patches starting out. I only dropped you once. From my dorm bed, remember? I gasped in horror as I heard you hit the hard wooden floor. Luckily, you forgave me. I’ve bought you a case since then. You need to be protected once in a while too.
But just because I hurt you once, doesn’t mean it’s okay to hurt me in return. I want to know…who is Siri? I hear her talking to you sometimes, hushed tones, asking you questions. You don’t need her. What can she offer you that I can’t? End it with her, iPhone 5. Please…for us.
With love and a broken heart,
P.S. I heard her tell you a joke once. She’s not even that funny.