I was racking my brain for inspiration for a post today, when it came to me in the form of searing pain on the top of my left pointer finger. Well, before the inspiration came, a blister emerged right where my hair straightener had burned my skin. After running my wound under cold water for a while and applying the necessary treatment (a Band-aid…does that heal burns?), I finally began to think of all the other times I had injured myself in the process of beautification. And since I made apparent last week how much I truly love lists, I figured I’d continue to indulge myself with this grouping of five things women willing torture themselves with in order to be beautiful.
- Makeup – If you’ve never felt the instant face-scrunching pain of accidentally stabbing your eyeball inward with the tip of your mascara wand, and I’m assuming most of the men who read this blog haven’t, then you don’t know pain. Yeah, you could argue that something a little more serious like getting your leg gnawed off by a pack of wild hyenas is a bit more painful than poking your eye with a stick, but still…that stuff hurts. For the most part, the rest of a regular makeup routine is fairly harmless, but depending on the level of difficulty of said routine, you might be busy for a while.
- Footwear – Let’s now bring our attention to shoes, or more specifically, heels. High-heeled shoes tend to give women more confidence, added height and rear-end attractiveness, and also disgusting toe blisters. Not only do these blisters begin to form upon insertion of the foot into the high heel, but they also burst and then rub irritatingly on the under-surface of the shoe. You’d never know the woman was in pain, however, because not only have females evolved into the next evolutionary step of masking pain until the customary group pilgrimage to the bathroom, but some women have even devised a special technique which involves placing a Band-aid overtop the blister to keep it from rubbing against the shoe (Man, those Band-aids fix everything, don’t they?). Unfortunately, this tactic only works with certain types of high heels, and in no way completely eliminates the pain of heel-wearing.
- Shaving – Now, I’m not advocating that all women go throw out their razors and rock the naturally hairy leg look (let’s face it, leg hair gets itchy and annoying), but I am going to complain about how much time it takes to clean up those things. Honestly, if you want to do a decent job, plan on spending extra time in the shower, because if you try to hurry, your leg ends up looking like this…
And for my male readers who want to comment on how they also have to shave, let’s take a look at the difference in surface area between a face and the entirety of two legs and two armpits…
- Hair – See my horror story above. Also, you may have just spent an hour perfecting your ‘do, but the 98% humidity and strong gust of wind coming your way don’t seem to care. Well…that was nice while it lasted.
- Birth – This one actually has nothing to do with beauty at all, but every woman loves to talk about how torturous and painful childbearing is. We like to hold it over men’s heads.
Despite the agony women must go through to beautify themselves on a daily basis, in the end, it’s all worth it. Some ladies find that all the time and effort they put into themselves really gives them an edge on the dating front, but most of us just do it to feel good about ourselves. If a little blood and tears are what it takes to make us feel beautiful every day, then so be it.