The Mind of a Wavering Future Author

How is that every time I think I know what I want,
I don’t?
How can half my life be devoted to one thing

Books

And one thought can upset an entire dream?

I want to write

yes

But what to write about? What for?

I could be a screenwriter,
A writer of films.

I’ve always loved movies. Why not?

I could write children’s books,
the next J.K. Rowling.

I like kids. Kids like me. Why not?

I could write textbooks,
The How-To of life.

I hate textbooks. Better job security. Why not?

I could write reviews for a magazine or paper,
Ebert for a new age.

Maybe they’ll give me free things. Opinions are nice. Why not?

I could be a film director, photographer, artist,
But just maybe on the side.

I don’t know enough about those things to do them for a life.

I could work in a bookstore,
Just to get me on my feet.

What if I end up liking it? Owner of a bookstore. Why not?

I could be an editor,
Of a magazine or for publishing.

But really that’s not writing at all.
And what I love is that I love to write.
And despite all these questions, that’s what I want to do.
But how do I know if what I’ll write is right?
Will it make me happy
Forever?

And if I finally do decide on a job, where will I be jobbing from?
Probably in the same place
Where all the jobbers go.

What about books? That’s what I’d always planned to do,
Is it bad to have these thoughts,
To feel like I’m cheating
on my dreams?

And what is it about college,
where you’re supposed to

Find yourself,

that makes you question

Everything.

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7 thoughts on “The Mind of a Wavering Future Author

  1. Lee, if you had all those answers now, life wouldn’t be half as much fun. Enjoy figuring out the details. It’s a major victory for you to know already that you want to write somehow, some way. By the way, this blog of yours is a very healthy exercise for these skills, is it not? (I couldn’t resist adding one more question to your list.) I enjoyed your post. Mark

    • Mark,
      I just hate the unknown! But you’re right, I need to try and let everything fall into place. This blog really is good practice! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Stop by again sometime. πŸ™‚

  2. I’m not a future author, but who knows I could be πŸ˜‰ I’ve always been blessed, or cursed (depends on the way you look at it) with the gift of curiosity and falling in love with nearly everything. Act (in progress), sing (check), dance (check), start a blog (check), become a health educator (in progress), write a book? Sure why not. My mom would like to call it having too many hobbies, but I call it following my bliss πŸ™‚

    Rakhi

    • Wow, it must be great to have passion for so many things! πŸ™‚ I always like to think I don’t love a lot of things, but when I do, I put my whole heart into it. I don’t see the problem with liking a lot of things — it shows you’re well-rounded! Keep it up πŸ™‚

  3. Completely agree with the part about college making you question everything. I just graduated and I don’t feel the slightest bit enlightened! Maybe, the only way you can find your true self, is by getting utterly lost and confused first? πŸ˜€ really enjoying your blog!

  4. This post was creatively expressed! I enjoyed it. It’s wonderful to be at the age of wondering, when one can still wonder what one should do or what one should be, a time when one can imagine all the wonderful possibilities and visualize the potential in fulfilling each one. May you have many, many more years of wondering. πŸ™‚

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